What’s left? A professional matchmaker. He’s Simon Dodson, and he’s very choosy about the clients he takes on. Cassie finds Simon a difficult, acerbic know-it-all, and she’s astonished when he accepts her as a client.

Claiming he has her perfect mate in mind, Simon assigns her three tasks to complete before she meets him. Three tasks that are all about Christmas: being a charity bell ringer, dressing up as Santa’s elf at a children’s party and preparing a traditional turkey dinner for her neighbors (whom she happens to dislike). Despite a number of comical mishaps, Cassie does it all—and she’s finally ready to meet her match.

But just like the perfect Christmas gift, he turns out to be a wonderful surprise!

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• I thought Cassie was a fairly likable protagonist. She wasn’t completely annoying or anything like that, and she wasn’t presented as Little Ms. Perfect, either. She had her faults and flaws, which served to make her more human.
• Macomber pretty much got right down to the action. This was a short book, so there wasn’t much time for subplots and tangents. Nearly every scene was productive and had some kind of impact on the outcome.
• The minor characters were decent. Usually, the best friend comes off as desperate or annoying, but I liked Angie. Ditto for the brother. It seems that nearly every romance book includes someone who is completely jaded when it comes to love, but the characters here were upbeat and positive without being unrealistically so.

Disliked:

• Who in their right mind would spend $30,000 on a matchmaker??? I guess Macomber selected that price to show readers that the stakes for Cassie were high, but all I could think of whenever Simon’s fee was mentioned was, “Think of all the other things you could do with that money!!!”
• The moment Cassie met Simon, I knew Macomber intended the two of them to get together. The author spent far too much time describing his appearance for it to be otherwise.
• I saw the Angie and Sean thing coming from a mile away, too. Oh, well, it’s not like I read these kinds of books for the suspense, right?

Rating:

The Perfect Christmas was my first Debbie Macomber book, and while I wasn’t exactly blown away, I did enjoy it to the extent that I’d be open to reading more of her work. This book had fun characters and a great atmosphere, and even made me laugh out loud a few times. It was kind of standard fare for the genre, so I give it 3 stars out of 5.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• Sara Lee was a wonderful protagonist. I was on her side from beginning to end, and I admired her courage and determination in the face of all those hardships. I also liked how she stood up to her fiance Harvey and insisted on going abroad before getting married, regardless of what his feelings were.
• I liked the Sara Lee/Henri love story. It developed organically, it was believable, and of course it was rather subdued by today’s standards. I was totally rooting for them to get together, and was glad that Rinehart made it fairly clear the Harvey relationship would never pan out.
• I thought there was just enough of the war in the book to keep things interesting without completely overwhelming the plot. Sara Lee’s house of healing was terrific, and Henri’s exploits added a dash of mystery to everything.

Disliked:

• The only thing I disliked about this book was that there wasn’t anything too terribly memorable about it. It was a decent story, with interesting characters and good pacing. But that’s about it. There were no twists and turns, no big surprises, nothing that will make it stand out to me a month from now.

Rating:

I liked The Amazing Interlude by Mary Roberts Rinehart well enough. It’s a quick, engrossing little read that provided some decent entertainment for a few days. But there’s really nothing in it that would compel me to give it more than 3 stars out of 5, so that’s the final rating.

But even as Katie begins to fall in love, she struggles with the dark secret that still haunts and terrifies her . . . a past that set her on a fearful, shattering journey across the country, to the sheltered oasis of Southport. With Jo’s empathic and stubborn support, Katie eventually realizes that she must choose between a life of transient safety and one of riskier rewards . . . and that in the darkest hour, love is the only true safe haven.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• This was not your typical Sparks novel. The main couple wasn’t all sappy about their love for each other and the domestic abuse angle was far more serious than anything I’d ever read in a Sparks book before. For me, this worked. Maybe some of his longtime fans didn’t like the departure from the usual formula, but I really enjoyed it.
• Sparks did a good job — at least at first — of building up tension as far as Kevin was concerned. It was obvious from the start that Kevin would find Katie again and that there would be a confrontation. It was just as obvious that she would survive it and get to be with Alex. Nevertheless, I experienced a real sense of dread whenever the scenes cut back to Boston and Kevin. He seemed so brutal and dangerous (again, just at first) that I couldn’t bear the thought of him getting to Katie.
• I liked Alex and Katie and even the kids because Sparks used some real restraint when describing them and their relationships. Again it wasn’t perfect and saccharine like his usual stuff. Yes, the kids took to Katie a bit too quickly, but still, it wasn’t so much that it felt unrealistic.
• After all she wen through, Katie deserved her happy ending. I’m glad she got it. I like to imagine that Alex’s insurance paid for the fire and they applied for additional small business loans to expand the store and build a bigger house. Maybe they even turned the grill into a full diner so Katie could have something to do too. Whatever they actually did, they’re together with the kids and Katie no longer has to look over her shoulder for Kevin.

Disliked:

• As I said, at first the parts with Kevin were good. But then, OMG, it got so tiresome and repetitive!!! Always drinking vodka. Always thinking to himself how he was going to be so happy when Erin got home because he loved her, and then how he was going to kill her because he hated her. Always the long sentences connected by “and”, “and”, “and” to show how he wasn’t thinking clearly. Ugh. It got so bad that I just started skimming those parts.
• The confrontation with Kevin and Erin/Katie turned out to be such a letdown. After building it up for the WHOLE book, I thought there would be more to it. For example, it really surprised me that Kevin set fire to the house first. It seemed to me that he would want to forcefully confront Erin/Katie with his rage, yell at her, hit her, beat her right there in person, not by an “impersonal” fire. Does what I’m saying make sense? I mean, if she had died in the fire, she might not have even known it was Kevin who did it. Surely he would have wanted the satisfaction of her knowing it was him.
• I hated the way Kevin became little more than a caricature by the end of the book. Most of the way through, he was truly menacing. But then when he was limping around with blood all over him and shards of glass sticking out of his body or whatever, he just seemed like one of those horror movie villains that never die. Cue eye-roll here.
• The letter from Alex’s dead wife to the new wife was unnecessary. Why does everything in a Sparks novel have to work out so damn PERFECTLY? “Oh, here Katie, you don’t have to worry about taking over my ex-wife’s place. She wanted me to be happy and find love again. See, she even wrote a letter to my future second wife!” Lord, how ridiculous.
• Speaking of ridiculous, I was completely and utterly turned off by Sparks’ decision to make Jo not only be a complete figment of Katie’s imagination, but also be the spirit of Alex’s first wife to boot. This supernatural element just really seemed out of place and totally incongruous with the rest of the story. What a strange choice by the author.

Rating:

Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks has its flaws, and yes, is derivative of other abused women books. Nevertheless, I found it to be a page-turner most of the way (something I never thought I’d say about a Sparks book) and I was actually rooting for the main character to come out on top. If Kevin hadn’t become such a caricature and if Jo hadn’t been a figment of Katie’s imagination, the novel would have been so much better. Despite all this, I still give it 4 stars out of 5 — 3 stars for the story itself, and 1 extra star for Sparks having surprised me by not making this a totally sappy, love-you-and-only-you-til-I-die romance.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• This was a short, quick read that required little thought or attention. In other words, it’s pure escapism.

Disliked:

• One of my biggest pet peeves EVER is when fictional characters, be they from TV, movies, or books, forget important dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Do these people not talk to each other??? Why do romance writers think that anniversary presents have to be a total surprise? Is there some unwritten rule that forbids characters from mentioning these types of events until it’s too late? I can’t imagine my husband or I forgetting our anniversary because we actually COMMUNICATE. Several weeks before our anniversary, one or the other of us will say something like, “What do you want to do for our anniversary this year?” Then we’ll plan, together, a dinner out or a weekend getaway. It annoys me to no end that Sparks chose as a catalyst something so utterly stupid as Wilson forgetting his 29th anniversary. Unoriginal, lazy writing.
• I could tell from the moment Anna’s wedding was mentioned that Wilson and Jane would renew their vows. At that point, Sparks hadn’t mentioned that their first “wedding” was nothing more than a simple ceremony in front of the justice of the peace, so I didn’t understand the full significance of the second wedding, but I still knew. I didn’t guess that Anna and Keith weren’t actually getting married, though. I thought it would be a double wedding — which I’m glad turned out not to be the case, as it would have been pretty selfish of Wilson to steal his daughter’s thunder.
• Ugh, what kind of a first name is Wilson? Every time I read it, I immediately thought of Tom Hanks’ volleyball companion in Castaway or the nosy neighbor with the hidden face on Home Improvement.
• I had a hard time believing Wilson’s complete and utter transformation happened so quickly. He went from forgetting an anniversary to being the most perfect husband ever. He lost weight, he cooked, he cleaned, he took care of all the wedding preparations…. Come on. Clearly this book was written for middle-aged women who would sigh and weep over such things — all without asking any questions, of course.
• I thought the anniversary gift was incredibly cheesy. Leaving little instructional notes to do this, wear that, and meet him there? Come on. Again, totally and completely unoriginal. That was the best idea Sparks could come up with? A note that says “go take a bath after your long day and have a glass of the chilled, uncorked wine waiting by the tub?” Oh, puhleeze!!! That was about as romantic as reading a brochure for POS systems.
• I felt the inclusion of Noah in the story was just a ploy to draw in readers who loved The Notebook. Was it really necessary to have him around or for Jane to be his daughter? That didn’t add much of anything to the story as far as I could tell.
• Why was Sparks’ description of the flagging marriage so one-sided? Why was Wilson entirely to blame? It takes two to tango, right? What was Jane doing to make their marriage work?

Rating:

I honestly don’t know why I bother reading Nicholas Sparks books when I have only ever liked one or two of them. I think it’s because he constantly gets rave reviews (The Wedding has a 4.5 star average rating on BN.com with more than 600 votes so far) and I’m anxious to see what all the fuss is about. I still don’t have any answers, though. I found The Wedding to be predictable, unrealistic, sappy, and cheesy, with a main character who was as dull as dishwater. The plot moved along at a snail’s pace, and even at the end, I couldn’t feel any love or attraction between Wilson and Jane (except for Wilson constantly repeating to himself, “God, I love her”). I guess hardcore Sparks fans will like his stuff no matter what, but I give this one 2 stars out of 5.

It begins one day in sophomore English class, just as Ellie Barnett’s teacher is assigning Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. From nowhere comes a quiet “tsk” of displeasure. The target: Sam Blaine, the cute bad boy who’s teasing Ellie mercilessly, just as he has since kindergarten. Entirely unbidden, as Jane might say, the author’s ghost has taken up residence in Ellie’s mind, and seems determined to stay there.

Jane’s wise and witty advice guides Ellie through the hell of adolescence and beyond, serving as the voice she trusts, usually far more than her own. Years and boyfriends come and go—sometimes a little too quickly, sometimes not nearly fast enough. But Jane’s counsel is constant, and on the subject of Sam, quite insistent. Stay away, Jane demands. He is your Mr. Wickham.

Still, everyone has something to learn about love—perhaps even Jane herself. And lately, the voice in Ellie’s head is being drowned out by another, urging her to look beyond everything she thought she knew and seek out her very own, very unexpected, happy ending.

“An engaging read for all who have been through the long, dark, dating wars, and still believe there’s sunshine, and a Mr. Darcy, at the end of the tunnel.” —Cathy Lamb, author of Henry’s Sisters

“This is a must-read for Austen lovers as well as for all who believe in the possibility of a happily-ever-after ending.” —Holly Chamberlin, author of One Week In December

Marilyn Brant has been a classroom teacher, a library staff member, afreelance writer and a national book reviewer. She lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband and son, surrounded by towers of books that often threaten to topple over and crush her. A proud member of the Jane Austen Society of North America, Marilyn’s debut novel featuring “Jane” won the Romance Writers of America’s prestigious Golden Heart® Award. When not working on her next book, she enjoys traveling, listening to music and finding new desserts to taste test.

Liked:

• I liked the way this novel was written. Brant has a breezy kind of style that makes for easy reading. Obviously this isn’t the novel to pick up if you want to tax your brain, but it’s great for a lazy weekend or a day at the beach.
• Ellie was mostly likable. This was extremely important, as of course the entire story revolved around her life. She was annoying in places, but isn’t everyone? For the most part, I enjoyed her company and wanted to see how she would end up with Sam.
• This book wasn’t too heavy on the Pride and Prejudice references. You don’t have to have read that book or memorized its passages in order to appreciate this one. I last read P&P in high school, but since I remembered who Wickham was, I knew enough to enjoy this novel.
• Usually I don’t like subplots, but I have to admit that the stuff about Ellie’s sister served to round out the characters and the main storyline. I think it worked mainly because Brant included it in just the right dose. It wasn’t so minor as to be negligible, but neither did it overwhelm the main plot.
• There was quite a bit of wit and humor throughout. I might not have laughed out loud, but I did smile many times, which added to my overall enjoyment.

Disliked:

• I didn’t care much for the misdirection Brant employed in constantly referring to Sam as Ellie’s “Wickham”, when it was clear from the very beginning that he was her Darcy and they were going to end up together.
• I’m not quite sure why it was necessary to have Jane Austen’s voice providing commentary inside Ellie’s head. WTF was that supposed to mean? Was she crazy or something? I didn’t get it. I didn’t like the so-called mysteries surrounding Jane’s would-be lover or descendants, either. As a reader, was I supposed to care about Jane’s life? To me, this was Ellie’s story, so nothing Jane said or did mattered much.

Rating:
According to Jane by Marilyn Brant isn’t a novel that will appeal to everyone, but I was surprised at how much I ended up enjoying it. Maybe it’s because the story began during Ellie’s high school years, and allowed me to reminisce about my own big crush of that time, or maybe it’s because I appreciated this non-traditional approach to a romance novel. Either way, I give this one 3 stars out of 5, and recommend that you check it out!

AN IMAGINARY FRIEND
Jane Margaux is a lonely little girl. Her mother, a powerful Broadway producer, makes time for her only once a week, for their Sunday trip to admire jewelry at Tiffany’s. Jane has only one friend: a handsome, comforting, funny man named Michael. He’s perfect. But only she can see him. Michael can’t stay forever, though. On Jane’s ninth birthday he leaves, promising her that she’ll soon forget him.

AN UNEXPECTED LOVE
Years later, in her thirties, Jane is just as alone as she was as a child. And despite her own success as a playwright, she is even more trapped by her overbearing mother. Then she meets someone–a handsome, comforting, funny man. He’s perfect. His name is Michael…

AND AN UNFORGETTABLE TWIST
This is a heartrending story that surpasses all expectations of why these people have been brought together. With the breathtaking momentum and gripping emotional twists that have made James Patterson a bestselling author all over the world, SUNDAYS AT TIFFANY’S takes an altogether fresh look at the timeless and transforming power of love.

Warning: Spoilers Below!

Liked:

• The only thing I liked about this book was how Vivian ended up being the one who died. I was fully expecting Jane to be the one to go, setting up a wholly contrived tear-jerker of an ending, so I appreciated the minor twist.

Disliked:

• The cover says, “What if your imaginary friend was your one true love?” WTF was the message here, exactly? That your “one true love” doesn’t exist, so you have to dream him up??? This made absolutely no sense at all as an adult book, and felt incredibly like the god-awful Denny Duquette ghost storyline on Grey’s Anatomy Ugh.
• This is a minor point, but the way Vivian ALWAYS said “Jane, sweetie, …” as if her daughter’s actual name was “Jane Sweetie” seriously got on my nerves.
• I never had an imaginary friend as a child, but I know a lot of kids do and that it’s a fairly normal thing. But is it normal for a child’s imaginary friend to be a full-grown adult??? Wouldn’t they dream up a kid their own age or slightly older than themselves instead of a 32-year-old? I thought that was extremely odd.
• So Michael can just materialize out of nothing and become a “real human”? Oh, whatever. Whoever said this book reminded them of The Velveteen Rabbit was right on. The only difference is that The Velveteen Rabbit was excusable because it was a children’s book.
• Why call the book Sundays at Tiffany’s? Sundays at the St. Regis Hotel would have been more appropriate since those ice cream outings meant so much to Jane and Michael early on. Tiffany’s was mentioned once, and was more of a Vivian thing, so I thought the title didn’t fit the story at all. I wasn’t exactly expecting this story to be about jewelry fashion trends for moms or anything like that, but jewelry probably should have played a bit more of a role given the title.

Rating:
I’m not sure why I allow myself to keep getting suckered into reading James Patterson books. I ought to know by now that he’s just interested in making as much money as possible and probably doesn’t even do any of his own writing anymore. In other words, he’s selling the work of hacks under his name — and it shows in the quality of the books produced. I give Sundays at Tiffany’s 2 stars out of 5.

The Time Traveler’s Wife depicts the effects of time travel on Henry and Clare’s marriage and their passionate love for each other, as the story unfolds from both points of view. Clare and Henry attempt to live normal lives, pursuing familiar goals — steady jobs, good friends, children of their own. All of this is threatened by something they can neither prevent nor control, making their story intensely moving and entirely unforgettable.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• I liked getting the same scene through both Henry and Clare’s perspectives. This happened frequently throughout the book, and was used very effectively. It was more than a mere exercise in point-of-view; it served an actual purpose because both characters were equally important in this drama.
• The story really picked up towards the end, and I’d say that from the three-quarter mark on, the book was un-put-down-able. I just had to know what would happen to Henry and how he would die. Despite the clear foreshadowing of the hunting incident in the meadow, I was still quite shocked to learn that that was the cause of his demise.
• I know there was a lot of debate about the letter Henry left Clare at the end, and specifically about whether or not it was selfish of him to say he would come again. I actually liked the letter and thought it was the most touching, romantic thing he did for her during their entire time together. I didn’t think the letter caused Clare to wait for him. Instead, I think she would have waited and waited and waited without the letter because she would have held onto the false hope that he would reappear soon. But knowing that he wouldn’t come back until she was a very old woman essentially gave her “permission” to carry on without him.
• I was so happy they were able to have their baby. Seven miscarriages is a shocking number, and would have been the end of most relationships. Thankfully they kept trying — even if it was only because Henry hinted about their future to Clare. I’m not surprised at all the precautions Clare took after getting pregnant with fetus No. 8. If that was me, I’d stock up on trimedisyn and other prenatal vitamins, visit my gynecologist every day, and demand a sonogram once a week!
• I liked that Henry used his powers to win the lottery and help his friends (like Kimy) make stock picks. That’s something that most people would do, yet most novelists or screenwriters try to make their characters unbelievably moralistic about not doing things like this. I also liked that Niffenegger didn’t harp on this point. She mentioned it in passing a couple of times and left it at that.

Disliked:

• It took me an incredibly long time to warm up to this book. I couldn’t stand either Henry or Clare for the first 1/2 of the novel, and even put the book aside for several months because I didn’t feel like going on with their saga. I just didn’t believe in their “great love”, especially because at the beginning all they did was have sex — which they invariably referred to as “fucking”. Gee, how romantic. They never felt like a couple that was meant to be, no matter how many times the author tried to simply TELL us so.
• The dream sequences were extremely dull to me. First there were Clare’s extended dreams about babies and miscarriages, and then Henry’s dreams about feet after he lost his. I’m sure these dreams and the meanings/symbolism will provide fodder for those that want to interpret them, but good lord, they were sooo boring to read about.
• I could have done without the details of Clare’s art projects, too. Again, there’s probably some larger symbolic meaning to the angel and various other pieces she created, but seriously, the details just bogged the story down. This was already an overly long book that didn’t need any extra passages about how to make paper.
• I’m not even going to pretend I understood anything about the chronology of this story. I have trouble thinking of time as anything but linear, so I’m easily confused with stuff that leaps backward and forward and back again with such abandon. It was just odd thinking of Henry as dead, yet still able to visit his daughter in her future or to visit Clare when she was 82 years old.
• I’m surprised that Henry did not get into more trouble while time traveling. He had no control over where or when he went, so it’s a wonder he didn’t pop up in the middle of a busy highway or on a deserted island or in a cage (like the one at work) more often. He usually ended up in remote fields, like at Clare’s childhood home. How convenient.
• Some of Niffenegger’s foreshadowing was too on the nose. I know that’s a strange thing to say, because it wouldn’t really be “foreshadowing” if the hints didn’t materialize, right? But she had Henry say, “If anything ever happened to my feet, you might as well just shoot me” — and what do you know? BOTH of those things happen! She also described the cage by the stairwell in the library, and had Henry say something like, “I don’t want to think about the cage because if I end up in there, I won’t be able to get out.” And guess what happens!
• Gomez was a pretty disgusting character. Waiting around for Henry to die so he could swoop in on Clare, despite having Charisse and their three kids? Sick.

Rating:

The Time Traveler’s Wife is kind of difficult for me to rate. I couldn’t stand the first half of the book at all. I mean, I really despised the characters and their story. But I stuck with it because of all the positive reviews and ended up liking the second half of the book. But because of the long break between reading the first half and second half, I think some of the dislike I’d built up for the characters dissipated, which I’m not sure would have happened had I read the thing straight through. At any rate, I guess I better just split the difference and give this one 3 stars out of 5. The ending is good, but you’ll have to stick through a lot of crap to get to it!

Liked:

• This was a very quick, easy read. The diary entries are mostly short and to the point, and there’s plenty of white space on each page. When I think of “diary”, I usually think of a teenage girl’s notebook with musings such as, Does Chase even know I exist? or What diet pills work the best? But it was easy enough to accept that Fitzwilliam Darcy would keep a diary, and the entries Grange included really fit the man.
• I had no idea these types of “sequels” existed. I know, I know… I’m late to the party in this regard. I actually thought this was a great idea, and I really enjoyed getting the story of Darcy and Elizabeth’s courtship from his point of view.
• I liked how Grange used some exact quotes and scenes from Pride and Prejudice, and then expanded to give readers an idea of what Darcy might have been thinking. In other words, this book wasn’t based entirely on Grange’s own imagination; she did include stuff from the original as well. I’m sure this is the usual m.o. for these types of books, but again, it was new to me (and therefore interesting).

Disliked:

• A few of the diary entries were far too detailed to be believed as actual diary entries. I mean, who remembers entire conversations word-for-word and then essentially transcribes them into a diary entry once they return home? I know this is a work of fiction, so I’m not too hung up on this particular point. But I remember being taken out of the story a couple of times as I thought to myself, “Wow, Darcy’s memory is fantastic!”

Rating:

I downloaded Mr. Darcy’s Diary from the Kindle store when it was offered for free, and wasn’t expecting much out of it (most of the free books are complete disasters). But I ended up really liking this one! Granted, I’m not a rabid Pride and Prejudice fan, so I probably am not holding this book to the same standard that true Austen devotees would, but it was a fun, engaging, and entertaining read for someone with a passing knowledge of the original. I give it 4 stars out of 5.

Their lives change forever when Nonna receives a mysterious letter from Italy. It seems that a Count from her hometown of Bella Piacere died several months ago. Because the Count had no family of his own, he left his estate, Villa Piacere, to the Nonna since Nonna’s father had saved the Count’s life when he was a young boy. Gemma thinks the letter sounds like nonsense or some kind of scam, and worries that Nonna will go all the way out there to find that her “villa” is nothing more than one of those little prefab steel buildings that looks more like a warehouse than a residence — or that the place doesn’t exist at all. But Nonna convinces her daughter to take at least a month to go to Italy and check the place out.

So the three women head to Italy for what will turn out to be a very adventurous time. Nonna gets to see a bunch of childhood friends again, and strikes up a tentative romance with Rocco Cesani, a man from her past. Gemma, meanwhile, meets the handsome, intriguing American artist Ben Raphael, a longtime renter of Villa Piacere who insists that he bought the estate outright last year. So although there is a sexual attraction between Ben and Gemma, the impending legal battle looks like it might get in the way.

The rest of the book then shows how Ben and Gemma’s relationship develops despite her Cash baggage and the estate stuff. Along the way, we also see Nonna and Rocco’s relationship bloom into a marriage proposal, witness Livvie getting her first kiss, and finally hear what happened between Gemma and Cash.

Liked:

• Some of the descriptions of Italy were interesting. The book never ventures into travelogue territory, so the descriptions were actually kept to a minimum, but whenever Adler did venture to talk about the ancient sites, I perked up.

Disliked:

• I hated how the Cash stuff was dragged out through the entire novel. Adler built it up to be some kind of major revelation, so to hear that he died in a car crash and Gemma felt guilty about it because he was coming to meet her was extremely anticlimactic. I waited to hear something as clichéd as a fatal car accident!
• Some of the writing was just terrible. Consider this sentence from a scene where Ben and Gemma are eating cherries and flirting with each other:
  

  The cherry juice seemed to have slipped all the way down to between my legs.

  WTF? That’s disgusting, not sensual or sexy!

• A lot of the scenes seemed pretty repetitive, which made it feel as though the plot wasn’t moving along at all. Ben and Gemma are attracted to each other. Ben and Gemma argue about the estate. Ben and Gemma get frustrated/angry with each other. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ugh!
• None of the characters interested me in the least. I didn’t particularly like Gemma, so I didn’t care if she ended up with Ben or not. And he didn’t even seem like a real person; just the lead in a romance novel.

Rating:
I was expecting Summer in Tuscany to be a lighthearted, breezy, fun read — something perfect for a lazy August weekend. But this book was populated with dull characters and uninteresting scenes. I give it 2 stars out of 5.

Hank and True go through a whirlwind romance and end up getting married within six weeks or so of meeting. Everyone talks about how Hank must be after True’s money, given the age difference and the difference in the hotness scale. The rumors bother True, especially since she has her own misgivings about Hank — particularly when he begins to resent all the demands a marriage and family place on him.

The two start fighting all the time, and soon split up. They remain that way for a few months, even though True is pregnant and isn’t relishing the thought of having another child on her own. As the book drags on and on, however, the two start talking again, and after their daughter is born, they agree to give their relationship another try.

Liked:

• The product descriptions of the Twelve Times Blessed gifts were interesting. They sounded whimsical and cute, exactly the kind of thing I’d want for my baby.

Disliked:

• Hank and True’s first sex scene made me roll my eyes. Am I supposed to believe that these two adults (33 and 43, respectively) wouldn’t use any kind of protection in this day and age? They even discussed it, which was the worst part of the scene. True was willing to risk a pregnancy with a guy she had “known” for all of two weeks at that time? And she actually said that if he had some kind of rare venereal disease, she wouldn’t mind catching the same thing so she could die with him??? OMFG, gag me.
• Hot on the heels of that ridiculous sex scene came an even more ridiculous, awkwardly written post-coital “talk”. This dragged on and on and on, and was not believable in the least. I’m not sure what Mitchard was trying to do there, but the result was sheer boredom. It was plain ol’ exposition disguised as a “discussion”, and it was crap.
• The dialogue was cringe-worthy in so many places that it would be impossible for me to include all the bad lines here. But they were particularly noticeable during Hank’s proposal. “Will you always be my woman — and my whore, too?” Are you serious???? If any guy said that to me, I’d slap him on the spot. Was that supposed to be sexy or something? WTF??? And what man would insult the woman he’s proposing to by asking, “Are you being deliberately dense?” when she couldn’t figure out what his cryptic high school thumb ring was for. What a dumb scene all the way around.
• I listened to the audiobook version and couldn’t stand how the reader alternated between pronouncing Guy the French way and the American way. I mean, sometimes this happened in the same paragraph, with the same character speaking. It was so damn annoying!!! How hard would it have been to choose one pronunciation and stick with it?
• Guy’s whole play storyline was dumb, boring, and unnecessary. What was the point, especially since he didn’t even perform due to his appendix problem? And why did the bitchy stage mom have to be a Christian? I am not religious, but that still rubbed me the wrong way. If Mitchard had made the woman a Jew or a Muslim, she would have been accused of being intolerant at best. But make the bitch a Christian and everything’s A-OK? Whatever.
• I never bought the idea that Hank — and his family — loved Guy as much as the author said they did. First Hank was so overwhelmed and bothered by Guy hanging around that he snapped and considered leaving, but the next thing you know, he’s adopting Guy, calling him “my son”, acting like he and the boy have a deep, special bond. This, after two months? Whatever, especially considering the fact that Guy absolutely was a spoiled brat with no sense of boundaries, just like Hank said. This is the kind of kid who manipulates his mother into buying things like a laptop or playstation 3 because she dares to pay attention to someone other than him. Also, I hated how I was supposed to believe that Hank’s parents accepted Guy into the family as the “first Bannister grandson”, giving him an heirloom and everything despite the fact that a blood-related grandchild was just born. Yeah, right.
• Don’t even get me started on how horrible a character True was. It was hard to believe that she was supposed to be a 43-year-old woman, because she acted like she was in high school. Everything had to be all about her, and if she didn’t get her way, she blew up or pouted. She was so demanding, such a whiner, so inconsiderate…. She and Hank — also a complete idiot — totally deserve to be with each other. At least it saves two other people from hooking up with assholes.
• This book was just too damn long. The only reason I even finished it was because I was on an equally long road trip (alone) and needed something to listen to. But my god, it was torture.

Rating:

Twelve Times Blessed was one of the worst books I’ve ever read (listened to). The characters are thoroughly unlikable, their conflicts were ridiculous and contrived, and the author just didn’t know when to quit. I would give this 0 stars because I hated it so much, but since I reserve that rating for books I can’t even finish, I have to give this 1 star out of 5. Do yourself a favor and AVOID it at all costs!